i was born a porn star she said
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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