alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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