Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize