i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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