it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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