He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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