I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize