he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize