is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize