Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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