JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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