i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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