Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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