a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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