I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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