Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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