my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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