Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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