im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize