I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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