The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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