is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you traded sex for a burrito?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize