my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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