May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize