You're so nebulous sometimes
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize