Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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