dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How's work?
Spinning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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