I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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