i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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