Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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