I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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