cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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