Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize