Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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