If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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