After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize