Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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