theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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