In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The beer is more important than you right now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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