swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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