Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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