I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Please don't give away my fajitas
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize