Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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