I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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