he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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