My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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