every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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