Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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