So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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