And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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